“HURRY UP!” or “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?” Do either of those sound familiar?
I don’t think any of us ever plan to yell at our children, but the reality is most of us do. Some of us yell a lot, and some of us yell occasionally. If you grew up in a home of yellers, most likely you’re a yeller too.
We tend to think that we need to get louder for our kids to hear us. Actually the opposite is true. The louder we get, the less they hear. And besides that, nobody likes to be yelled at.
Yelling at kids:
- disconnects us from them
- scares them
- teaches them it is ok to yell
- teaches them they don’t have to comply until we yell
- creates tension and stress in your home
- makes them the target for your anger
If you’re ready to change the trajectory of your family, you can! It is not an easy habit to break, but it can be done with great diligence. To do this, the focus is on you, not your kids. It is not our kids that make us yell, contrary to what many parents believe. It is all about us – our behavior and the choices we make in the moment. Self-control is the key.
Alternatives to consider:
- Catch yourself, and identify your triggers. (Are you tired, mad, or stressed?)
- Take five. Tell your kids that you are feeling frustrated, and you will be back in five minutes to start over.
- Apologize and ask them for forgiveness. Tell them you are working hard to break this habit.
- The tenor in your home will change.
- Your child’s attitude toward you will change.
- You’ll be a happier person.
This habit does not change overnight. Take one day at a time and even consider enlisting someone to help hold you accountable.
I’m willing to bet your kids will thank you for it one day.
There’s Always Hope,
Need more help? Parents often jokingly ask Amy, “Will you go home with me?” While she can’t do that, Amy is available to consult with parents through her consultation services. Click Here to learn more.