My 6-year-old told me recently she hated me and she wished she had a different Mother. I couldn’t believe it! It hurt my feelings and at the same time made me furious. I told her that was disrespectful and she was not allowed to talk to me that way. I then sent her to her room. I don’t know if that was the best thing to do. What should I do if it happens again?
It is hard to hear a remark like this from someone we’ve invested so much into for the last 6 years, isn’t it? You will probably hear it again, so let’s come up with a plan.
Rest assured that most young kids I know who say things like this do not really mean it! It usually comes on the heels of them not getting something they want or things not going their way. In other words, they are mad when we say no! The bottom line is they haven’t learned how to use their words to let us know they are feeling angry.
Here’s what we should do…
Acknowledge the fact that they are mad, give them permission to feel that way and then teach them to use their words appropriately.
The next time you hear “I hate you,” respond by saying “I think you’re trying to tell me you are mad because I said no. I want you to know it’s ok that you’re mad and you can always say, Mommy, I’m mad at you because you won’t let me buy this toy”.
You are modeling for her what you want her to do the next time she’s upset with you. That’s addressing the real issue, which is her anger.
Getting angry with her, telling her to stop talking to you like that, sending her to her room, making her apologize to you are all things that further ignite her anger.
Let me know if this helps!
Because your family matters…
