Entitled or Responsible: How to Raise a Self-Sufficient Child

Personal responsibility — taking care of yourself and becoming the best person you can be.

Moral responsibility — doing what is right by friends, family and others.

Community responsibility — volunteering, serving and contributing.

Legal responsibility — following family rules, school rules and becoming law-abiding citizens.

Financial responsibility — starting early with allowances to teach them about money management.

Give them choices.

How are they going to practice being responsible if we don’t give them opportunities?  Start early offering choices.  Little kids get little choices, “do you want milk or juice?”  Big kids get big choices, “do you want to start your homework before or after you return from gymnastics?”

Let them fail.

The biggest mistake parents are making these days is not allowing their kids to experience adversity.  So many parents tell me:  “it just kills me to see them struggle” “but she’ll be upset” or “I just can’t stand it when she loses.”  Fixing things for our children is innate within most parents, but it robs them of the opportunity to learn about responsibility and independence.

Give them chores.

Without a doubt, one of the best ways to begin the process of instilling responsibility is with chores.  Children experience what it’s like to contribute to the greater good of the family.  Doing chores with a parent builds a sense of pride.  Let them be involved in the process of deciding which chores they would like to do.  When they get to decide, they have ownership and the chances of compliance will be greater.  This is opposed to us dictating that they clean their bathroom, wash their clothes and unload the dishwasher.

Say it once, just once.

I’ll bet I talk to at least one parent daily who says to me “I have to tell him over and over to go do what I asked.  He just won’t listen.”  My response is the very same each time.  He knows he doesn’t have to.  You see, his mother has a history of not holding him accountable when she asks the first time.  Nothing good ever comes out of this scenario.  With each request, the mother gets more irritated and loud; the child gets frustrated that his mother is nagging.  Most importantly, mother is not holding him accountable.

Set a good example.

Are you a blamer?  Do you condemn your son’s baseball coach for what was your child’s error or do you criticize your daughter’s teacher for requiring that she redo her paper?  Do you own your mistakes and correct them?  Your attitude and behavior will be what influences your child.